You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
