So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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