Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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