I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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