hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I will be naked everywhere
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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