She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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