So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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