I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
