I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
