I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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