Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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