Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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