3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
