don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
