I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
