its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
