I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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