I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
