The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
