You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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