I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
