They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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