In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
