I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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