if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
