Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
