We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
