who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
