He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
