hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
