I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
