I wanna bring you to show and tell
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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