Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
