Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
