You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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