pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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