I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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