Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
