i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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