Don't make out with my wife yet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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