I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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