i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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