You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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