I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
