Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
