doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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