walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
