i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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