omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
