Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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