i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
