Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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