I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
