Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
