We're like a lot better than the average bears
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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