Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
