so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
