We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
