He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize