I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
