theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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