My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
