I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
