To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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