I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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