How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
