Swine flu. Run for my life!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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