Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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