How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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