I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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