Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
