I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
