And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
