just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
