I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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