I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
