He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
