I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
