the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
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