Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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