Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
