he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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