So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
