I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize